


Let Our Bodies Do The Talking

by crygiankie_trash



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race (US) RPF
Genre: F/F, background crygi, mention of gigi being trans but not really delved into much, nicky and rock are more backgroundy but still there bc we love and support.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:21:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28384686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crygiankie_trash/pseuds/crygiankie_trash
Summary: Jan falls in love with Jackie somewhere between the ages of 5 and 18, which would be fine if she knew how to tell her.
Relationships: Jackie Cox/Jan Sport
Comments: 5
Kudos: 31





	Let Our Bodies Do The Talking

**Author's Note:**

> So once again, I am daquiri drunk and posting a song fic because I am what? Predictable. Also again. It is unbeta'd because I am a mess and I'm gonna get this out before I second guess myself. 
> 
> The song is also Body Do The Talking by Thelma Plum.

_ It feels so sudden but i know that it’s time.  _ _  
_ _ Keep pushing me to change your mind. _

Loving Jackie is as natural as the changing of the seasons. She can’t remember a time when she didn’t, and can’t imagine a time when she wouldn’t do so. Jackie is yards of softly tanned skin, deep mocha eyes with impossibly long lashes that peer at her from behind a plastic cup of dubious chain coffee hiding a grin, she’s pearly white teeth that bite down on a metal straw in concentration, she’s tousled dark curls that stick to her forehead and sideburns that creep down the sides of her cheeks; a distinct nod to her Iranian heritage. She’s the sound of textbook pages turning, the sway of hips in a dance studio. Every place in Jan’s memory has Jackie branded into it in some shape or form.

_ I bet you could come up with a few thousand words to describe me _

_ I’m crazy, I’m crazy. _

Where Jackie is reserved and serious for the most part in public, Jan is the one who seemingly runs free, flaxen hair swinging in the breeze, short mini-dresses and drunken renditions of Lady Gaga and Ke$ha songs. She’s stolen mouthfuls of wine, a falsetto that can ring through a crowd, lilac shimmery eyelids that glint under cheap strobe lights, or the glaring lights of a football field, a chatterbox, loopy chickenscratch handwriting, a pair of grass stained soccer cleats that have torn holes in her mothers good rug, a broken window from a soccer ball. She’s loud, outspoken and so proudly herself that sometimes it borders on painful. “A loveable weirdo’ as Jackie had joked quietly in their little group of queer outcasts. Crystal; a surprisingly shy Latina with the ability to make the weirdest, whackiest paintings, Gigi; a statuesque redhead with a dry sense of humor fighting everyday to leave Samuel behind her in a world that tries to remind her everyday of who society tried to force her to be. Rock; who changed her hair colour with more frequency than her underwear, Nicky who despite being at the school for years still thought most things ended with ‘S’ but no-one could bring herself to tell her that it was toast and not ‘toasts’. They might not be pinnacle of popularity in the typical sense but they fit together. A mosaic mishmash of personalities that just work. 

_ You could stay the night, stay the night with me.  _

  
  


Somewhere along the line between an awkward first kiss at the age of 15, and their Junior year art-class? Crystal and Gigi fall in love. Quietly but with the force of a hurricane. Clasped hands in the hallway, Gigi’s tapered fingers pushing back the dark mass of Crystal’s unruly mullet from her face when Crystal’s hands are too paint stained to touch her skin. And Jan aches inside. She’s never wanted either, though she knows that Crystal is a textbook lesbian awakening. But she wants someone to look at her the way Crystal and Gigi look at each other, or the way she looks at Jackie. The night they first kissed burns in her mind, tipsy after splitting two 4 packs of wine coolers that they’d secretly saved their pocket money for with Coyote Ugly playing in the background since it was the movie that Crystal claims was her ‘lesbian awakening’. 

The dares had started off innocent enough. Rock having to eat a spoonful of mustard, Nicky being the only one of them to wear a proper bra having to put it in the freezer for 15 minutes and wear it, some stupid truths about people in their grade like did Rock really see Dahlia Sin wearing a thong and nothing else under her cheerleading skirt, before Nicky hooted something about ‘spin the bottle’ and ‘then we can practice kissing so we don’t end up like Brita Filter and getting saliva all over Aiden Zhane during their first game of Seven Minutes in Heaven’ before claiming Rock’s lips with a little too much gusto for it to be entirely innocent. Gigi and Crystal lock lips both blushing noticeably but end up holding hands and looking quietly pleased. Crystal spins the bottle and it lands on Jan, both girls sharing a giggly peck before Jan’s entire world slows down as the bottle comes to a wobbly halt on Jackie. 

The kiss barely lasts 5 seconds, but in the time it takes them to lock lips and for Jan to taste ‘Exotic Berry’ wine cooler that has clung to Jackie’s chapstick that now smears across her own previously grape flavoured lips? It’s enough to flip her world on its head, and leave her reeling only coming crashing back to earth that night when Nicky’s soft snores echo around the room from where she’s curled up on an air mattress with Rock, or the soft mumbles from Crystal above her on the bed, Gigi’s long pale limbs dangling from under the tattered mosquito netting that Crystal’s had hanging above her bed since kindergarten and her parents got her a ridiculously oversized four poster bed from the local Goodwill. She rolls to her side, only to find Jackie gazing back at her, her voice a low whisper as her eyes suddenly dart away. “..I liked it Jan. I liked it” before Jan’s lips timidly press against Jackie’s once more, and over and over again before eventually dozing off, her own clumsily painted silver nails crusted with large chunks of glitter winking in the moonlight of the bedroom coming up to tangle in the soft curls at the base of Jackie’s neck. 

_ I could give you everything unless you refuse _

_ Then I’ll say nothing and leave it up to you. _

Letting loose was always Jan’s speciality, leaping from one thing to another in both the physical and emotional sense and Jackie, smart, sensitive Jackie was always behind her with a metaphorical safety net when Jan becomes like Icarus and flies too close to the sun and falls ungracefully back to Earth in a tangle of limbs and ugly snuffling cries.

  
Plump lips chase salty tear tracks away, carefully trimmed nails comb through long locks of blonde hair as concerned eyes gaze at her through tortoiseshell glasses and in return Jan’s lips seek out Jackie’s desperately, scrabbling fingers working on buttons and zippers, murmured adorations between them as they come together, sounds muffled by their hands and the soft layers of Jan’s purple duvet. 

_ Let my body do the talking. we’ll stay up all night. _

After they come back to their senses, a mass of sweaty limbs against lavender silk. They don’t speak about it. Jackie’s mindless fingers tracing against the muscles of Jan’s thighs, Jan’s fingers sweeping against the downy hair on Jackie’s forearms as they catch their breath before it happens again. Once that night, most weekends, at a Wednesday night study date, in Gigi’s basement, in the back of Jan’s car. Their nights blur together until they can touch each other with expert precision, a well timed swipe of Jackie’s thumb leaving Jan trembling; the apex of her thighs glistening with arousal, intimately familar with each other to the way Jackie’s eyes squeeze shut as she reaches the crescendo of her orgasm, the soft whine that emits from Jan’s throat when Jackie stretches her out with a third finger, the lazy way her tongue tracks the rivulets of arousal that drip down her perineum. The way they lazily fuck until the sun rises, painting the sky with bolts of colour and bathing the room in a hazy film that reflects the russet highlights that naturally streak Jackie’s hair. 

_ We don’t have to find the answer if the question ain’t right.  _ _  
_ _ Let my body do the talking, we’ll stay up all night.  _

“What are we”, the words go unspoken, sitting on her tongue burning like she’d just accidentally taken a mouthful of the disastrous concoction that Rock and Crystal had tried to claim was a Bloody Mary after a night of excessive drinking and that ‘hairs of a dog was the best thing for a hangover’ but everytime she goes to open her mouth? Her words fail her. Afraid. And so she does what she does best. Swallows them down and places an open mouthed kiss against Jackie’s neck taking in the scents of sweat and Jasmine perfume oil as they roll against scratchy terracotta sheets, the burning esfand keeping the heady smell of sex at bay. 

_ I keep my distance, I look straight ahead, Keep pulling me back into your bed _

As much as she wants to stop, knowing that she’s already in far too deep? She can’t. She’s a drowning woman already pulled out to sea with nothing but an already saturated life vest that will ultimately weigh her down. In her own way Jackie is a Siren and Jan is helpless to her call. Each time she promises to not go back, that she can survive being nothing but Jackie’s best friend, and each time she fails, falling to her knees as if in Penance, head bowing with reverent eyes tracking each twitch of Jackie’s muscles.

_ And I know there are a thousand girls to divide us.  _

_ But you chose me, you chose me.  _

‘I love you, I love you, I love you’, the words chase each other around her head, a dog with it’s tail clutched between it’s teeth but never bubbling up and out of her throat. She says ‘love ya’ with a flippant ease. To the girls when they do a group zoom call, to her parents when she leaves for soccer practice. She loves the ice cream the group goes for once a fortnight, Crystal and Gigi sharing a banana split, Rock working her way through the ice-cream case at their local Baskin and Robbins, Nicky always going for the ‘French Vanilla’, to the way her hair gets cut. She can say that she loves everything. But never Jackie. 

She’s not surprised when girls start asking Jackie to school dances, though she supposes it’s a given since Jackie is President of their LGBTQIA club. Vanessa, Julia; the names start blurring together and each time she’s surprised when Jackie turns them down before beaming over at Jan and ‘Sorry, Jannie and I always go to dances together. It’s tradition” and she can’t help the feeling of contentment that washes over her with each refusal. “Mine, mine, mine” the words chase themselves around her head as her mittened hands steal Jackie’s cup of Atole; courtesy of Crystal’s mother before settling on the cold metal bench only to be joined by Gigi a moment later asking ‘So should we all go for a matching colour scheme this year?’ before the six of them get into a lively debate of why olive green isn’t a good idea, and didn’t they already do orange the year before?” before Jackie looks over at her pink cheeked, snowflakes stubbornly sticking to the beanie nestled in her dark curls and she falls in love all over again barely even realising Jackie’s admonished her with a ‘Naughty Janice' and stealing her cardboard cup back, a gloved hand sweeping at Jan’s lower lip where a droplet of pale liquid sticks to her lip gloss. 

  
  


_ You can stay the night, stay the night with me. _

_ We don’t have to find the answer if the question ain’t right _

_ Let my body do the talking, we’ll stay up all night.  _

The end of Senior year rolls in like Rock doing a series of somersaults in gym class. All of a sudden and then landing with a bang. Jan and Jackie are going to New York, Crystal and Gigi are headed to LA, Nicky’s doing a GAP year in France and ‘going back to her roots’, Rock has already brought a one way ticket to San Francisco, and everything feels like it’s changing all to soon? Jackie stays the same. Solid, dependable, ns encouraging when Jan honestly feels like giving up on schoolwork, soccer, or when her voice feels fried from so many rehearsals and lessons. and she can’t help but wonder if or when she’ll ever get over her, and does she even want to get over Jackie? Her teeth bite into her lip, drawing blood as she scuffs at the ground; the toe of a nearly worn out cleat digging a hole in the turf only to snap back to attention as Widow sends a ball flying at her head, sending it back up the pitch towards Lagoona. 

Later that night, feeling the warmth from her own four pack of wine coolers, a shot of Crystal’s parents tequila and some god awful punch that Rose ladelled from a bucket that had seen better days, she lies in Jackie’s arms, her hand tracing along the other girls abdomen mindlessly fiddling with the little gold charm that pierces her navel the one rebellious act that Jackie had allowed herself; steadfastly refusing to pierce her nipple like Crystal had done settling instead for the tiny gold charm that glints in the light filtering in through the raised curtains as Jackie’s hand runs up and down Jan’s back, her pointer finger tapping gently at each vertebrae. 

“I love you”, Jan’s words are quiet, echoing in the empty space of the half packed room. “I can’t remember a time when I haven’t.. You don’t have to say it back. I just.. I thought you deserved to know”, a weight lifts off her chest, the long trapped words finally fluttering free from their flesh and bone prison as Jackie’s hand stills, flat against the back of Jan’s ribcage, and the blonde can hear the brunette’s heartbeat quickening underneath her ear the steady thrum becoming an uneasy rhythm. Inhale, exhale. Jackie’s chest rises and falls, the seconds ticking by as the room falls into a silence, the air thickens between them but like always Jan stays before Jackie’s voice permeates the silence between them “..I love you too”.

**Author's Note:**

> And another fic done and dusted. (HA Dusted) but seriously. You guys are great. Hope you enjoyed and all that jazz. <3


End file.
